Life is about mistakes, right? We all make them. The good, bad, and the ugly. Lately I've been looking back on my life and dwelling on my mistakes. The regret. The pain. I often wonder why I go back and rethink of the "what ifs" there is no way I can repair it so why am I bothering? Learning to ignore the triggers of reflection on old events in my life is key. My ignore button in my brain needs to become larger and more active. It's so interesting how our minds can create something so false and harmful to ourselves without anything really happening in the "real" world. Yet it seems so real, well it is real and alive, but not actually. I often wonder how is God using my mistakes, my pain for the good of this world; because obviously it happened for a reason. Yes, I learned from it and I definitely grew from it. Thinking about the season in my life, I wonder how much more pain I will be able to handle, yes I trust God and have faith in Him, but there is something in my spirit that whenever I begin to question or ask God He always provides a learning experience. You know it's funny because my moto is to never pray for patience, you know why, because He always puts people or situations for my patience to be tested. Funny, yes indeed God does have a sense of humor. I also think that my stubbornness is just perfect for His work, I think I can do something on my own and then He will knock me down so far, low, dark, deep as I can go and by His power He will slowly bring me back to His light. I think that is how He uses me too, why? Because when others are going through similar things that I have been through I'm able to walk with them, what a joy to be a light in the darkness. Wow. You know then I thank God for all the pain and days where I just didn't know if could move on. I want to think that He just looks down and says, "Heather keep going, don't give up and don't loose the hope and faith that I have put into you. Live your life for Me, laugh when there is pain and remember that I will always LOVE you."
"When God gets us in touch with someone else, it's usually because God wants to show us something; usually about ourselves"